Should Men Protect You?

Okay ladies point blank. Do you want men to protect you? Do you appreciate having a man with you when walking into a dangerous situations? Do you want him to step between you and a threat?

Do you expect him to do this? Do you appreciate his willingness to be killed or take injury protecting you? Do you feel safer when a man is around? Do you think less of a man who is unable to protect you?

Do you feel you are less likely to be victimized when a good man is present?

 

No one has answered, what a surprise.
Loaded questions. Is there something else you're trying to learn here or are your questions sincere?
I'm going to answer this way...do I expect men to protect me? If they are available and I'm in danger, yes.
I don't walk into dangerous situations. In the past, I have not had any fear.
Step between me and a threat? If I am the goal of the one making the threat, isn't it human decency for a man to protect, defend, or harm the aggressor?

If it were a child and I'm the bigger one, I would defend or protect to the best of my ability the life or safety of the child.
Expecting a man to protect me doesn't mean I'm hovering back behind a car or tree, biting my nails and whimpering. I would be doing my part to defend myself as well.
I actually do expect it because it is what I've become accustomed to. I hang out with REAL MEN WITH SPINES. Chivalry.

Do I appreciate it? Of course. His willingness to get hurt or die? That part never crosses my mind. But again, haven't been in dangerous situations in quite awhile.
Do I feel safer when a man is around? It depends on who the man is. If I am without a man as part of life circumstances, single, divorced, etc., I am ok. I dont feel unsafe for the most part.
No, I do not think less of a man who is unable to protect me. Wouldn't he be expecting me to protect him?

Yes, I feel I am less likely to be victimized if a good man is around.
I don't know where you've been hanging, but this has always been what I've been accustomed to.
Granted, there have been times where I've known of or saw a man turn to jelly and the women step up.

My sister, when we were in our 20s, was shoved by some big jerk at a dance hall and she fell, a "friend" turned away. He didn't offer her a hand, punch or shove the other guy. I didn't think much of that "friend" before and crossed him off the list of good people after that.

 

Great response Radar. I think we can make the mistake that people think like we do on what we believe are core issues. Sometimes people don’t. I think this topic is an important issue for preparedness.

 

I think your story about your sister being shoved is a great story to illustrate my point as to how difficult ideas or expectations can cause issues. Not only safety issues in that moment but long term relationships or group dynamics problems.

 

I might understand what you're saying. Given that the "friend" was someone I never saw as a strong male, he could have had the life beaten out of him. I didn't see it happen, but I know my sister was not into picking fights etc., so it wasn't something where she could have looked at the situation and thought she was unsafe or should run.
Needless to say, that was the last time we went there. Later I learned a classmate had been murdered, his body found within a very short distance of that place. No coincidence.

 

What do I feel about those questions? I’m someone who could definitely pass your criteria test as someone you could hang out with.

As a human being I despise bullies, and all forms of victimization. And I don’t have the “modern mans” aversion to risk or action.

For me, it’s not about what the woman wants. If she wants protection or not. No it’s about what the attacker wants, it’s his goals that I’m in opposition with.

With that said my sympathy goes down quickly if a woman escalates, or agitates a situation, driving it to a violent encounter. However overall I’m definitely in the camp of protecting women when applicable.

 

You mentioned being divorced and single. I think that men are very shy about offering their strength to a single/divorced woman. Especially if that man is married himself.

Leaving these women more vulnerable that most, even in situations where men are present.

 

Now you're heading elsewhere. I have not said I'm divorced or single but I did say I'm ok. Decent people don't care about marital status and if a single woman is accepting or asking for assistance from a married man, then his wife, son, or daughter should be included.
The men I am associated with are helpers of women. It is the culture, serving others and keeping things on the up and up.

 

Coffee, I believe that this is a cultural issue. I will and have defended a lady from unwarranted attack. I don't do this to please the lady or because I think that she is weak. I do it because I am a Texas-raised Old Southern Gentleman and I don't want to look in the mirror and see a man that I can't respect. For me, it is a matter of personal honor. As they say, "Different strokes for different folks."

 

I'm not Coffee or Tea. Lol

 

I think some men are more afraid of being judged by women than beaten by men. For instance the fear that stepping in to help, especially at a low threat level, might be perceived by the lady as the good guy trying to look like a hero and make a connection. Or even he wonders how his own wife might interpret his involving himself in another woman’s business. But in reality the wife might be thinking, “I wish I was married to the kind of man who would step up in these situations.”

Again, all the more reason to discuss these issues with your wife or other people you may be interacting with in a group dynamic.

 

Sorry, brain fart!! Radar my ability to think about and do several things at once are not what they used to be.

 

(There is no fist pounding laughter emoticon to use, darn it!) I love heroes, for any reason. Have you ever been where I live? Men open doors here for women they do not know. They dash to get to the door before the woman, at least that is what has been done for me, usually every day, if there is a door to open, there's a guy.
But you're not talking about holding doors.
"More afraid of being judged by a woman." That totally cracks me up and I cannot relate at all. I do not generally hang out with other women, never have. Harsh women I guess. Maybe that's why I don't hang out with women, they are so quick to judge. This is quite funny. Anyway, I don't honestly think that a REAL man is going to wonder if his wife will be offended if he jumps to the rescue of another woman because a real man doesn't marry an unreal woman. So there.
Have you backed yourself into a corner yet?

 

I’m not analyzing that from my perspective, rather the common man on the streets perspective. And what does it take for a man to clearly understand what a woman thinks and then to rightly act on that knowledge?

Regardless in all things people do better when they are not only prepared but also AUTHORIZED to act. And does that authorization come from a father figure? Or a woman? Ideally it’s congruent, but often lacking in both instances. Maybe because it is a loaded question.

 

It comes from deep in your soul. LOL
I mean, ya either got it or ya don't! KWIM?

 

I think there is also a generational blind spot going on also. Women today watch movies where the woman is doing judo on the men and leading the charge while the man fumbles and stumbles his way through episode after episode on most shows.

Add in the fact that most people are sheltered and have zero experience dealing with violence and it creates problems. A situation where women feel they are expected to be as strong as the men, yet a subconscious belief and denial that it will ever happen to them.

Leaving the woman independent but wholly unprepared, and many younger men confused having been given no guidance and sometimes not even a hint. If anything taught to be gentle and wear pink to be a real man.

Resulting for some men into just another opportunity to be wrong either way. All the more reason for dialog.

 

Too true in some instances I suppose. Wellllll, I think seeing women as the kick ass and guys being disorganized, surprised and unable to hold his own goes hand in hand with what is being culturally spoon fed to our society. However, some guys are total wimps, some guys don't care, some guys don't want to get involved. I don't know why.

Women can be more territorial than men, the mama bear thing. Women can sense an urgency of DEFEND NOW when children are at risk, not that guys can't or don't. I sometimes think that it is gearing toward men to think, like you mentioned, to be afraid of offending a woman for protecting her first instead of asking her permission to save her ****life.
"We don't need you, you bumbling idiots."
I don't think like that. I like guys. True, some are idiots, violent, predators, perverts, jerks, etc. etc. etc. But mostly guys are just guys and I wish "everybody" would quit expecting them to be like a Greek or Norse God. They can't all be Loki or Thor. LOL
My own adult sons would kick somebody's ass to protect. I've watched them.
Please be assured, that there are still many people who are raising their sons and daughters to have a modern sense of their roles or duties as real men and real women.

 

I don't open doors because they are ladies. I do it because I am a Gentleman and my Mama would kick my ass if I didn't act like one when I was young. This is still the way it is where I live. LOL, now that I am an old fart young men and a lot of young women hold doors open for me. I ALWAYS smile and thank them! There really are a lot of good kids of ALL races out there.

 

A male should never have a choice in this. He should always be subject to social default settings and be groomed to run touchdowns for women and children who are not his.
A male should always be willing to lay his head on the railroad track for a woman and children who are not his...and hope he can get his head up off the track before the train runs over him....while the are busy texting or watching videos.
He should never think about what he is doing and always observe the default social settings and or clues and cues of a woman to run touchdowns for her...and her children.

Never...never ...ever...should a woman ask herself if she is high maintenance...nor her children.

This is called in some circles..."Male Expendability and Disposability." In other circles it is called "Trying out for female approval."....ie...running touchdowns....without thinking about or asking what is the real intrinsic value of his risk taking.

Women are indeed more territorial than men and often in a avenue not detected or thought/realized by the touchdown running sports conditioned/groomed male.

The byproducts of a people with primarily a television and movie education.



I like women better than the company of men. Like older women especially.
They can teach an observant man many things which younger women cannot.

And Most of them can do more than microwave and order take out...or delivery food. This is a real blessing to a man who can appreciate it's value.

I have learned from older women that the most valuable commodity a good woman can bring to a man...children or no children ..is Peace....not Piece.

Peace requires much more commitment from a woman than Piece.


My non Ishmaelite .02,
Watcherchris

 

Let me throw a curve ball into the mix. I may have related this story in another post, but it was related to me in a Concealed Carry class.

Young couple parked at the end of a Cul-de-Sac where they don't belong. Guy has the girl spread over the hood beating the daylights out of her.

Resident sees what is happening and calls police. Resident gets a firearm, and goes out to stop altercation; yelling at the guy to stop.

The guy comes onto the Residents property, and Resident fires a warning shot. (Real bad idea).

Warning shot ricochets and hits the guy in the leg. Guy is laying on the ground.

Police pull up and the first thing the girl says is " He just shot my boyfriend."

It cost the Resident about $10,000.00 to defend himself.

Would I intervene? I would be very careful. If I knew the people I would. If it were friends or family I certainly would. I worked in a Sports Club where fights broke out occasionally. We were instructed to intervene only if the altercation was getting one-sided, and one party might get seriously injured.

I don't know because I haven't been in that situation, but I think my initial reaction would be to wait, and make sure me and mine were safe before I intervened.

 

1000% agree with the biggest factor. Your perception of the situation.

 

This goes into principle vs methods, I’m talking about establishing values, vs methods. Anyone can ilisteate a scenario where getting involved is a bad idea. And these scenarios are good to what if, AFTER you determine your beliefs.

I’m other words you have moral decisions making that gets overlaid with tactical decisions making.

 

Lets go with a scenario. Guy is standing outside an office building beating the shit out of a woman. Do you intervene to stop him? How about if it comes out that he just found out she cheated on him? How about if it comes out that the guy she cheated with had aids and gave it to him? Do you intervene?

I stole that scenario from someone, I don't remember who.

 

AIDS, hands off, right?
But how would you know that?
And the fun part about this thread is...its in the LADIES SECTION and I'm the only female who has posted, as far as I can tell.

 

Exactly, how would you know? You don't know. Unless friends or family are involved, I stay out of domestics. Hell, she may "love" her abuser and attack you while you are trying to be her "white knight".

 

First off you never use a gun as a threat. I've said it before when I draw my gun somebody is going to get shot. In Texas waving a gun around is called brandishing and is a felony. When the guy comes onto your property and you have a reasonable right to think that he is going to hurt you, you are within your right to shoot him in Texas. If you respond and try to stop a person who is committing a felony and they attack you it is legal to KILL them. As long as you don't act first and are defending yourself or others you are on pretty good legal grounds here. I understand that in other states the criminals have ALL the rights and you are better off to let them do as they wish but we don't allow that here.

From what I have read, in most states, the use of a gun, even in defense is an overriding crime. In Texas, the cops would have looked at the girl and asked what had happened to her. If she told the truth then the gun was legally used. We don't have an automatic presumption of guilt here if a gun is involved.

 

It’s clear Radar that you are the only female who has posted. And I’m glad you have.

 

Do the women hardly ever post here, or what?

 

There are precious few of us women who are active here, Radar. Lately, I think it's been just me, you, and occasionally, a lady named Coffee.

When I have time, I've posted quite a bit here and there, and sometimes just sporadically when life grabs me by my hair.

When this thread first appeared, I wanted to answer it but got sidetracked with other things until I forgot about it.

Here's my take on the OP... I don't expect a man to defend me just because I am a woman. Never have. BUT, just as I would readily defend the lives of my family and friends, I expect them to have my back as well. (I know they will.)

But for a total stranger to come to my aid? NO, I would never expect it for many of the reasons that have been brought out in this thread.

I am prepared to take care of my own battles. And, if I am in the company of friends or family, and if we are in the throes of a home invasion or other life-threatening situation, I will pull my own weight to help neutralize the threat and ensure our mutual survival.


.

 

I will defend my own. If you step in where you do not know what is happening you may well be taking the wrong side. I remember meeting a gal in my youth that wanted me to beat up her ex. It isn't always the guy that is in the wrong. Also remember that domestic calls are the most dangerous for police because the wife is likely to turn around and attack the cops. Sometimes women start the fight. I had a girlfriend decide that violence was the right way to control me. She changed her opinion.

I will defend friends and family irrespective of gender. I also make sure mine are capable of defending themselves.

 

For many people principles are values. You come across here like a politician..

Watcherchris
Not an Ishmaelitte

 

I don’t think you actually read what I write.

 

For some reason there is an insistence on driving this to a third party scenario. I’ve always acknowledged that a third party scenario has its own challenges. Which warrants a methods discussion overlaid on top of what your core values are.

But I suppose all of this ultimately drives to my overreacting point on how important of a topic this is.

 

In my world, if the scenario involves the quandary of defending strangers that you know nothing about, protect yourself by leaving the scene if possible. Then call 911 immediately (or your country's equivalent of emergency/law enforcement control center).

There is no moral dilemma in that.

.

 

Yet there might be. The issue of third party intervention is a massive discussion. At least it should be, because a one size fits all approach is too limiting. Although I think you are talking in generalities, which I generally agree with. Yet again I’m talking primarily here about people you do know something about.

 

That would vary depending upon the persons involved. Some dude beating the hell out of my ex-wife? She probably started it. Pass the popcorn. Some dude hitting my daughter? The pigs will eat well tonight. So, it depends.

 

Although in retrospective third parties do factor in this discussion. Because the question is directed at females, there thoughts on what a stranger should step up and do for them is very relevant. It might be a big security wake up call to realize a lot of people aren’t going to have enough information to warrant coming to their aid in certain situations.

 

In years past, I think our grandmothers expected menfolk to "step up on the plate" in their defense if needed. Not any more. (There may be some few women who are still living in la-la land, but not in this or most other survival-type forums.)

I suspect you would have a more suitable female audience to address your questions in another type of forum.

I think we are all very much woke in here, lol.


.

 

In Grandma's day there were probably more ladies. If you want more "equality" then you get the responsibilities as well as the benefits. I know women who would step up to defend me but not many. I would defend them to the death.

 

Too many variables with your broad (HAHA) questions, since you guys have weighed in with different scenarios.
I'm not erasing my answers but something I have been trying to get myself to accept is that no one else is more responsible for my safety than me. I would die to protect others, even strangers, I will not be more specific.

 

My training, not my upbringing, has conditioned me to be hesitant to jump in and help a stranger. I'm too old to get into a fist fight. If someone needs my help the bad guy is going to have an extra hole in them and that is not something I take lightly. It will likely cost me well over $100,000 to stay out of jail. If I make the wrong choice no amount will keep me free.