Forgiveness

Discussion in 'Mental Preparedness' started by pacmantacman, Apr 18, 2019.

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  1. pacmantacman

    pacmantacman Well-Known Member
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    Can we really avoid all victimization? Unlikely! Robberies, assault, theft, sexual assaults, kidnappings, torture, attempted homicides, among other things are all possibilities.

    Within your survival group there are also more likely opportunities for victimization including lies, gossip, in justice, manipulation, deception, bullying, rudeness, disrespect and a number of other things are extremely likely. Especially as the stress level goes up. Group dynamics is an underrated issue.

    Not to mention personal failures like bad decisions leading to negative consequences resulting in depression, lack of confidence, moral injury, post traumatic stress and the list goes on.

    I would like to bring up the power of forgiveness for long term survival. Resiliency in spirt can not be overrated. Forgiving those who victimize you in big and small ways. And forgiving yourself for personal mistakes.

    I’m not suggesting to always forget, but I have found that to win I must always forgive.
    Hate maybe a powerful weapon but it pails in comparison to forgiveness in my opinion.

    I would say your ability to forgive now is a strong indicator of how forgiveness or the lack there of will effect you post shtf.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. TMT Tactical

    TMT Tactical The Great Lizard !
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    I never forgive or forget but I don't allow it to bother me either. Retribution is not required unless it involves physical injure to me or mine and then only if the legal system fails to do it's job. I never lose sleep over a past misdeed, mine or somebody else's. I learn from my mistakes and try to never repeat them. Regrets, sure but forgiveness is not required. I harbor no desire for revenge but neither will I be unhappy if a person who has violated my trust has a misfortune. Life is too short to worry or be concerned about other folks but I also don't plan to give them second chances. I have never had good results from giving second chances.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
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  3. Keith H.

    Keith H. Moderator Staff Member
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    I think this must come down to an individual's life experiences & lessons they have learnt. I do not forgive or forget, not ever, not if the trespass is bad enough to warrant it. If this happened with a member of my group that was not family, they would be gone. Fortunately the majority of my group is family.
    Keith.
     
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  4. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    I don't forgive or forget either, especially if its someone I classed as a friend.
     
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  5. Morgan101

    Morgan101 Expert Member
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    Let me throw a couple of variations into the question before I answer. Who am I going to forgive, and forget? What am I going to forgive and forget?

    If it is a blood family member, not an In-Law, I will probably forgive and forget. An In-Law falls much farther down the list into a maybe category. An acquaintance, friend is a grossly overused term, no. I will probably not forgive and forget.

    Secondly, what am I being asked to forgive and forget. A minor infraction that does little or no harm I could probably overlook. Learn from it, and don't do it again. We are all human, and everyone makes mistakes. If it is something more egregious and causes serious harm, or puts the group in grave danger? Sorry, you are gone. It will not be tolerated, forgiven or forgotten.

    Something else that might influence my thinking is past performance. Has this infraction, or one very similar to it happened before? Is this person just a screw-up that never gets anything right? Could the minor infraction have turned into something catastrophic under different circumstances, and you just got lucky?

    IMHO we have to evaluate every situation as it occurs, and decide a course of action.
     
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  6. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    depends if its now or post SHTF.
    if its now I just ignore them and have nothing to do with them, post SHTF turning my back on them could be fatal.
     
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  7. Oldguy

    Oldguy Expert Member
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    So your brother in law screws up, what do you do?


    Chuck him out and your mrs might turn on you, let him stay and he will feel protected and may cause more trouble!

    Group dynamics can be a problem, damned if you do and damned if you don't!

    Which bond is stronger? husband-wife or brother-sister
     
  8. Morgan101

    Morgan101 Expert Member
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    I agree with you, but I didn't say I would throw him out. I just wouldn't forgive, and forget.

    Probably watch him a lot more closely next time. Maybe give him a lot less responsibility until he proves his worth. Agree 1000%. Group dynamics can be a nightmare.
     
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  9. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    I don't care what the mrs thinks, she can join the BIL if she wants, not likely to happen as she thinks the inlaws(her family) are a waste of space and wont survive anyway, they are far enough away (don't live local) that it wont be a problem.
     
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  10. pacmantacman

    pacmantacman Well-Known Member
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    I’m not suggesting forget, especially when it pertains to your safety. Forgiveness though I do promote. And that’s not to say they don’t still experience consequences. In some cases you might hunt these people down. But the forgiveness is for you and people you love.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
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  11. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    if people transgress they must accept the consequences, maybe they should think about that before they do something stupid. but they wont because they are human beings and human beings are stupid.
    give me a good dog anytime.
     
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  12. TexDanm

    TexDanm Shadow Dancer
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    I am a pretty forgiving person as far as anybody but myself. That said I have learned that if someone screws you once they will do it again as many times as you will forgive them. If a friend screws me I will forgive him but that doesn't mean that I will ever trust him again in the same way. It seems like every time that I have given someone a second chance that I have gotten screwed a second time. Finally, I learned my lesson. There is forgiveness and there is foolishness and then there is downright stupidity. I no longer am a stupid fool.

    Forgivness doesn't mean that I like you, respect you or trust you. Forgiveness comes in many levels. If you attack me, I might forgive you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to beat the hell out of you. Sometimes all forgiveness may mean in a post-apocalyptic world is that I won't kill you today...
     
  13. pacmantacman

    pacmantacman Well-Known Member
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    It seems like someone has seriously done you wrong in the past? Unfortunately humans often do stupid things.
     
    Last edited: Apr 19, 2019
  14. lalakai

    lalakai Well-Known Member
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    My perspective is based on having a son that went off the deep end with drugs, alcohol and CSC, impacting the entire family, sometimes directly. He's in prison now. I'm the only one that keeps contact with him and even that is a struggle.....if I bring up too many memories, it's very difficult to even look at him. He will never be able to return home.

    I can't forgive and forget, not when he deliberately acted against family, nor can I just give up on him. In a group situation after SHTF, I could probably live with someone acting stupidly, unless it was deliberately aimed at harming someone in the group. At that point they would be given some supplies and warned to not return. To protect the group I would take whatever action would be necessary............such as sending my son to prison, to keep my family safe.

    Tough call.
     
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  15. pacmantacman

    pacmantacman Well-Known Member
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    It sounds like you understand the realities of dealing with un-forgiveness. I understand forgetting in this case is not realistic but is forgiveness impossible? I would argue that sending him to prison was likely the most loving things to do. Actions have consequences.
     
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  16. Old Geezer

    Old Geezer Master Survivalist
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    Feign forgiveness until the common enemy is finished, then put one behind your "friend's" ear. Take his food, impregnate his widow, and sell his children.

    I mean this in the best way, of course.
     
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  17. Ystranc

    Ystranc Master Survivalist
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    In the past I've been accused of being too clinical, I don't show anger outwardly but I do find that some incidents stay with me.
    Some incidents where I was wronged I feel that I should let go of and forgive but there are also quite a few things that I have done to others that I wish I could be forgiven for. I've not always been the balanced chilled person I am today. I need to keep the bad things that I've done in the background of my mind so that I don't make the same mistakes again. I don't expect forgiveness but I can improve myself.
     
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