How do you deal with a paranoid person in a relationship?

Discussion in 'General Q&A' started by Christavia, Jun 16, 2016.

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  1. Christavia

    Christavia New Member
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    I have recently started dating someone but he is very paranoid. I know there is no easy way to gain his trust but I want him to trust me as I know in my heart I will never hurt him. He actually found his ex girlfriend putting some disgusting things in his food to 'tie him''. It is too gross to even mention. He doesnt eat from me and he is trying to keep a little distance but I do know he loves me. We have only been dating a month now and we plan to court for at least 3 months before getting involved but how do I deal with his paranoia and or insecurities without scaring him or shoving him away?
     
  2. OfTheEarth

    OfTheEarth Member
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    Trust is more like a garden than a garden tool. It doesn't get broken, it gets razed. He probably lost his trust on this side of the lawn and that side of the lawn and over here and over there, patchwork. You can't just expect him to grow 20 plants that burned down overnight, just gotta water the plants.
     
  3. Keith H.

    Keith H. Moderator Staff Member
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    This does not sound right to me. Not trusting people because of previous experience is one thing, not eating food you offer him is another. I suggest you encourage him to see a counselor. Going into a relationship before he has this sorted is asking for trouble in my opinion. If he is serious about you, then he will get the counselling, if he refuses to see a counselor, then you are better off without him. Sounds harsh I know, but I speak as an ex counselor myself, & someone who has recieved counselling in the past.
    Keith.
     
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  4. cluckeyo

    cluckeyo Well-Known Member
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    Paranoia comes from fear. Such a relationship can be a long, long road. Look inward for answers.

    4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    8 Love never fails.
     
    Last edited: Jun 16, 2016
  5. explorerx7

    explorerx7 Expert Member
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    I have a social friend is somewhat paranoid and she is always believing that someone is trying to set evil spirits on her amongst other things. What I always do is make her express freely express her feelings about the evil spirits without challenging her beliefs even though I may not subscribe to her beliefs. However, it may be a bit overwhelming to cope with that kind of situation when you are around the person a whole lot. As long as the person is not disruptive I believe that you could stick with him because chances he will eventually come around. His fear did not come from just mere thinking, it came about because of something terrifying that he had experienced and it's going to take a bit of effort for him to get over it.
     
  6. Arkane

    Arkane Master Survivalist
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    He will not get over it! you can only paint over it! it will always be there underneath.
    Unless one has committed a lot to the relationship I would suggest cut and run, now before any more is invested.
    He is damaged goods and will always be so!
    Unless you owe him your life do not waste it on him!
     
  7. Moroccanbeauty2266

    Moroccanbeauty2266 Active Member
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    I have been friends with a paranoid person before and it was not always funny. I remember him walking around with knives in his hands and sticking knives in
    the walls just because he believed someone was watching him. It was quite creepy at times. I always tried to stay calm but if I think
    about it I put myself in danger because it could have turned out differently. But being in a relationship with someone who is paranoid is a complete different ballgame.
    What I would recommend is to follow your heart. Do you really love him than give your relationship a chance,
    but I would not keep my hopes up too much, not that you get hurt and disappointed, you know.
    I would not expect to much from him now. It is clear he has trust issues. Give him some time but if things get worse I would
    not stay with him. Starting a new relationship is always a risk.......
    However, this is your life. You deserve to be happy and I hope everything turns out the way you would like it to.
     
  8. OursIsTheFury

    OursIsTheFury Expert Member
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    I think it's all about reassurance. Paranoia comes from a certain part of a person that mistrusts people, and if you convince the person that you are, indeed, trustworthy, then I don't see why it wouldn't work out. It's all about being supportive, and when he or she realizes that you are to be trusted, they will open up more, and maybe you can find out the root of the problem, and hopefully, the two of you can find a way to fix it, lessen it, or make it disappear completely. I think the most important part of this is time, as you can't rush things like this, you can't rush someone to trust you. Just be there, and make sure you will support the person when they are in trouble.
     
  9. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    depends on your definition of paranoid, but in a SHTF context I will say this:
    "Paranoids are never surprised by anything, but people with their heads in the sand are surprised by everything!"
     
  10. remnant

    remnant Expert Member
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    The proper way to deal with such a person is to let him be until such a time that the person concludes that you are up to no harm. It can be quite stressful beyond a certain point at which you should confront him about the issues behind his paranoia. This should be done with tact and don't be confrontational but make sure you register your displeasure. The last recourse would be to look for the services of a counselling psychologist to come to your home without his knowledge so that he can be assessed and prompted accordingly.
     
  11. Christavia

    Christavia New Member
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    I make handmade soaps and I took one for him and he gave it away. The fact that the relationship is so young I think I'll just hang on a bit longer and sew if he will get comfortable around me. His ex-girlfriend used to cool by his house almost every day for 6 months before he started eating from her. I will suggest counseling but not just yet and he is going to church so I guess that too will help. I don't want to come on too strongly on him because that will make him run. I have seen it.
     
  12. tb65

    tb65 Active Member
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    I think you have to let him sort things out for himself. If someone was putting stuff in his food or trying to work roots on him, he is not going
    to eat everybody's food. I don't blame him for being like this, don't take it personal just give it time. Eventually if he feels he can trust you things will get better. You just have to be the type of person you want to be with, and that's the best you can do everything eventually works out that way.
     
  13. Toast

    Toast New Member
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    Paranoid and trust issues need a lot of time, stability, and counselling to truly get through them. If it's something that's overbearing to you, there's no harm ending the relationship. However, if you want to stick it out, there's a few options. Try not to give him any reason not to trust you. You can keep your privacy, just don't do anything suspicious if you can avoid it. You also may want to convince him to go to a therapist. If the trust issues are because of a previous relationship, you may just need to give it time.
     
  14. greymanila

    greymanila Active Member
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    If he doesn't trust you, leave him. What is a relationship without trust?
     
  15. Blackfish

    Blackfish Well-Known Member
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    I would get paranoid from smoking weed long ago. I was no fun to be around. I didn't even want to be around me. Check if your guy is self-medicating, as I was. If he's doing booze and/or drugs, that will increase the likelihood of disaster in all things.

    Your answer lies with you. Some people, who were raised in bad situations, for example, enjoy being manhandled by narcissists and other less desirable people. They are used to it and manage their life with the narcissist quite well. Some are highly successful relationships, if they can be called that. But if you are the kind of person who is accustomed to TLC and normalcy, I would search elsewhere for relations and avoid the paranoid. He will be a hindrance in a survival situation, perhaps, as well.
     
  16. Ystranc

    Ystranc Master Survivalist
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    If your partner really is paranoid because of what happened in his previous relationship and this is effecting how the pair of you interact it would seem that this relationship is already doomed to failure. Trust is a major part of any relationship and without trust your relationship will fail sooner rather then later...sorry:(
     
  17. Old Geezer

    Old Geezer Legendary Survivalist
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    This person has mental pathologies and requires treatment from health professionals.

    If you are on very good terms with his family members, you should discuss with them that which you have observed as regards his abnormal behavioral patterns. Maybe his family will help get him help. He is in a place where he is unable to help himself. You currently are not close enough to him to have any weight regarding decisions being made for him.

    Your core responsibility is to your own self. You are a person also. Step outside of yourself, look back on yourself as a person worthy of a decent life, and then take care of that person, i.e. yourself. How cliche it is for me to say, "You can't save the world." However, you are now in such a situation. Much of life is out of our hands and it is NOT BEING COLD to recognize that unfortunate reality.

    You may grieve for the potential relationship that you two may have formed. However, you must recognize the adult responsibilities appertaining. Help get him help ... if you can. It is all that is within your power. None of us are supernatural beings.
     
  18. TexDanm

    TexDanm Shadow Dancer
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    He isn't done with his past relationship. Until he deals with it anyone that tries to go into a relationship with him is very likely to get hurt. He needs help and until he gets it he is unlikely to just magically get better. Even if he SEEMS to get better and start to trust you this problem can reappear and poison the relationship. Take your time. Encourage him to seek help. If he does be supportive and if he doesn't RUN! Life is too short to deal with constant problems of trust. Don't kid yourself...without trust there is NO relationship!
     
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