Mixed Marriage: A Survivalist's Worse Nightmare

Discussion in 'The Hangout' started by Duncan, Sep 17, 2019.

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  1. Duncan

    Duncan Expert Member
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    So you consider yourself a hard-core prepper/survivalist: you have a few firearms (not enough, of course); you're trying to stock up on whatever you think you need to get through hard times, have a BoB and a BoV (or you are preparing them); check the real estate listings for your survival place. Mentally and emotionally, at least, you're locked and loaded.

    But your spouse doesn't share your views. Maybe (s)he thinks it's silly, because nothing's going to happen, or doesn't let you spend what you consider necessary survival stuff. She doesn't want to go to the Rockies or Ozarks for your vacation to look at remote real-estate; she thinks the whole family should go to Disneyland.

    Now you might talk tough with your bros, saying that "... when the shit goes down, I'm going and she can follow if she wants..." or some similar silliness. But you know that won't happen. Women (and I'm only saying "women" here because most serious preppers or wannabe preppers are men) have a lot more common sense than men do, and they want to limit the amount of involvement -- time-wise or money-wise -- that their spouses have with their "hobby".

    So what're you going to do? If you're one of the lucky few whose spouse shares your views and is willing to put in the time and money to achieve your shared goals, then good on you. If you're an unmarried person, then hooray for you also; you can spend everything you have on prep-stuff. But I think most preppers are married men, and I also think that if your spouse is not on board -- and I don't mean "just putting up with your hobby" but someone enthusiastic about the enterprise -- you are already in deep kimchee; and if the shit ever does go down, you will both have some very difficult decisions to make.

    How say you? Do you or anyone else you know encounter this problem? I'd like to hear from the poor vulnerable married preppers....
     
  2. varuna

    varuna Tree killer & a cat person
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    Not yet married here, but I'm in a relationship with a lady whose rarely exposed to direct sunlight because her daily routine consist of commuting from one building into the lobby entering the waiting automobile and off to another building.

    I try to present her with what-if problem using real life example how we recently got hit by an earthquake that nobody (including myself) has anticipate due to bad planning, and showing her how easy it is to stocking emergency foods & drinking water using off the shelf supermarket foods and I even offer her for vacation at a peaceful & rather quite island just to get her moving while remain in sufficient comfort zone. (that way I don't need to worry so much). But the idea of all those comforts and utility services could suddenly disappear by the act of mother nature is difficult concept to grasp. Suffice to say I currently prep for 2 adult persons for 6 days in 2 location albeit in the same city, although if the SHTF is bad enough my plan is to getting out to other city that is unaffected which is also in line with her line thinking, the only difference is I;m prepping for riding out the SHTF as best I could, while her line of thinking is just to getting out.
     
  3. Keith H.

    Keith H. Moderator Staff Member
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    My wife is a very intelligent woman, we communicate well & she is as much into being prepared as I am. We work very well together.
    Keith.
     
  4. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    not my personal problem as wife is a born and bred countrywoman and is on board with all my prepping.
    but the problem is in the UK we don't have the extremes of weather that you get in the US, we don't get earthquakes, we don't get hurricanes- by the time they come over the Atlantic they are downgraded to a storm, the worst we get is winter storms, flooding-don't buy a house on a flood plain!, and maybe some winter snow- more likely in the North of England than in the south west where I am.
    so trying to convince a British person of the need to prep is even more of a difficult task than our American brothers because of the lack of serious natural events, at least to the non prepper, of course things like EMP's/solar storm and pandemics cant be ruled out.
    so we have the "it'll never happen" argument which cuts all sorts of discussion dead.
     
  5. Morgan101

    Morgan101 Master Survivalist
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    Duncan: I think your post is spot on. I don't have a number, but I would guess that for the majority of preppers their significant other just condones the hobby. My personal situation is a little better than that. My wife is pretty much on board. We know it is a benefit to the whole family, and we keep the expenditures within reason. We could never do what you have done, and it is a mutually agreed decision. I do not have the mechanical skills to maintain a small farm, and my wife's health would not allow us to be very far from professional medical help. While I would like to be a little more remote, and have a little more property, I am perfectly content with where we are, and how we have prepped. There is more that we could do to be self-sufficient. I keep telling myself I will do those things when I retire.

    We are prepared to bug out should the need arise. Nobody will be left behind, and that includes pets. My wife and son know where everything is if they had to evacuate when I was not home. I would consider my situation better than most. We might not be 100% on all things, but we are at least in the high 90's being on the same page.

    Excellent post. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  6. Alaskajohn

    Alaskajohn Expert Member
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    My wife and two adult sons are completely onboard. My wife's skills complement mine in areas where I am less proficient such as foraging, preserving and pre-contact knowledge and primitive skills. She is supper intuitive where I am more of a classical thinker. So a good balance together. Probably our only area of disagreement is that if it were up to me, I'd have us living over a hundred plus miles from the nearest road or neighbor like the Wood-Tikchik region or deep in the inside passage. I compromised and we live in area that has access to a road. Both sons are adults who need to be near cities as they are in their prime income producing years, but they know what to do and where to go.
     
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  7. Sonofliberty

    Sonofliberty Master Survivalist
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    I was never able to find a partner who was interested in homesteading much less prepping. That is one of the reasons I haven't bought land yet, I am willing to relocate to where such a woman might reside given how hard such ladies are to locate.
     
  8. varuna

    varuna Tree killer & a cat person
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    I can relate to that. Here is an idea, instead of looking for such lady, why not try to educate a lady into it. I'm not saying I have any success with the current one yet, but it show positive result on the previous one.
     
  9. Sonofliberty

    Sonofliberty Master Survivalist
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    Sounds good in theory, but if she is not already interested she probably is not the type of lady I am interested in.
     
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  10. poltiregist

    poltiregist Master Survivalist
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    Finding ladies that want to join our group doesn't seem to be a problem . I had one fly in from west Texas last month to a place she had never seen before . She is now sending pictures and acclaiming to all her kin and acquaintances that she ended up in paradise . I now have three more single females wanting to come from a different state than the first . One elderly and unknown to the elderly lady there is two college girls also wanting to come to the Ozarks to live . I am not sure yet how all this might work out .
     
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    1. Radar
      seriously having a hard time not laughing over this, @poltiregist . You're trusting complete strangers? They are trusting an unknown man?
       
      Radar, Sep 18, 2019
  11. Dalewick

    Dalewick Expert Member
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    My wife was in NO WAY on board when we were young. So I started off small (prepping for storms, unemployment, etc.) and along with being in the military and seeing that aspect of life from my deployments, etc.. With time and seeing bad things happen in the world and undergoing different SHTF scenarios ourselves, her attitudes began to change. Now she's on board enough that we have plans for a off grid place. She doesn't even complain about my weapons or when I taught our girls survival skills. Both girls keep a BOB in there vehicles. This Thanksgiving the girls want a refresher class on emergency fire building.

    Dale
     
  12. Rebecca

    Rebecca Well-Known Member
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    In regards to homesteading, being off grid, and living far away from cities, I got lucky and my husband agreed fairly easily. Although I wanted to be much more remote than we are, our compromise of a location, a few hours drive to the nearest airport is not too bad at all. Especially considering he grew up in, and lived in cities pretty exclusively before I came along with my country ideas!

    On the prepping side of things though.... He puts up with what he believes are eccentricities of mine. I can pretty much prep as much as I like as long as I don't spend too much money! I have spent years trying to convince him of the need to prep. So far we have agreed that enough "things" are required for the odd hurricane or being snowed in. Beyond that he sees no need, so it's up to me.

    It can be really really frustrating. And really sad sometimes, because I know things, like if SHTF in a major way ( like EMP) when he is at work (he has a fly in fly out of the location job) he will never make it home due to lack of knowledge. That's a hard reality to face. But to keep it positive, he does let me slip in random bits of knowledge like different ways to light fires. So we are getting there how ever very very slow it may be.
     
  13. Old Geezer

    Old Geezer Legendary Survivalist
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    My wife was raised as one of many children. Some of the kids didn't make it. Yep, I married a survivalist.
     
  14. lonewolf

    lonewolf Moderator Staff Member
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    my wife was brought up in an off grid rural cottage so she knows exactly what is needed.
     
  15. poltiregist

    poltiregist Master Survivalist
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    As for as my wife goes as being on board with prepping , I have the opposite problem than some . I had to shut up and not talk about doomsday stuff . She will get too paranoid even for me . Sometimes even dreams about it in her sleep .
     
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  16. Duncan

    Duncan Expert Member
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    Great responses, all of you! Makes me glad I found this place.
     
  17. TMT Tactical

    TMT Tactical The Great Lizard !
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    My wife is neutral on the prepping. She really does not buy into total SHTF events but does like to save a buck. We stock up on sale items we like to eat. We stock up on everyday supplies. I stock up on prepper items and my hobby is firearms-- shooting and soon to be reloading. I did purchase a 9 mm handgun for the wife and she knows how to use it. She is from a farming family and does know and understand farming life. She also has no desire to return to a farming life. Since we are both too old and infirm to be bugging out, we will just be content with our little greenhouse setup and go from there. Worst comes to worst, I can supplement our food supplies from hunting and trapping critters. All in all, we will do okay.
     
  18. Duncan

    Duncan Expert Member
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    Good on ya: Making the best of a not-perfect situation! If I wen't in my mid-seventies, I'd be doing a lot more survival-related stuff as well. However, I hope to start getting back in the mode when I learn to make my own wine and brew my own beer!
     
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  19. TMT Tactical

    TMT Tactical The Great Lizard !
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    I like the beer and wine plan. Good social comfort items and even better if it hits the fan. Since I have an allergy to alcohol and hops, I am pretty much restricted to a boring social life. I can get away with 1 cold brew on a hot day.
     
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  20. Ystranc

    Ystranc Master Survivalist
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    My other half and I are on the same page about most things to do with prepping.
     
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