Davy Crockett Toilet Paper

This is many years ago, B.C., that is...Before Charmin.

(To our European, Asian, and Australian friends, Charmin is a brand of toilet paper that Americans treasure for its softness, lol.)

 

Do you remember the story of the bear and the rabbit? The bear was in the woods taking care of business when a rabbit walked up. The bear asked " Do you have a problem with #2 sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said "No". So the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

 

There seems to be. joke about "the wild front-rear" buried in here somewhere

 

Here's how I heard the story:
Rabbit finds bear taking a dump in the forest; sez, "Hey it's true about bears shi##ing in the woods!"
Bear picks up rabbit and wipes himself with the rabbit; sez, "Hey it's true about rabbits being so soft."

My pap told me that he once used a gosling to wipe himself. At the end of his life, I observed him feeding squirrels -- those critters we so often had shot and eaten. Therefore, down in him somewhere existed a soft side. (However as to him being put to filthy purpose in nether regions, even Satan would be well-advised to avoid that man.) His dad kilt a hawg up on a mountain bald and rode that hawg carcass down the side of the mountain as if it were a sleigh. These folk lent new meaning to the word "tough" ... and they could also be more than a trifle strange. That's why no sane men would trifle with them. They had zero qualms about killing featherless two-legged critters.

 

I was raised in the same county that David Crockett was raised. He started off a yahoo to be true, however he became a congressman from the state of Tennessee.

An exceedingly poor choice David made there at the end -- unbeknownst to him, the ending -- was to get involved in the whole Texas thingy. Don't get me wrong, I love Texas; I love the concept of Texas. However, one could make the legitimate point that the man's timing was a bit off.

 

His error wasn't in getting involved in the Texas independence war. His error was in following a FOOL. James Fannin was an idiot. He had already messed up once before trying to be a hero and turned into a screw-up. He was ORDERED by Sam Houston to abandon the Alamo as it was not an important place to hold and basically indefensible. Had he survived he would have been shot. a lot of brave men were led into am impossible battle by this George Custer like fool. The rest of the men that died at the Alamo were heroes, James Fannin was a fool that got what he deserved.

 

The followership thingy has historically gotten a lot of folks returned to ambient temperature.

My folk have been the folk who pretend to drink the Kool-Aid, then slip out the back. When things "quieten down", my folk head back out'a the woods, load up the valuables off the dead, then drive off in the cars of the newly departed. Until my dad was sent into the European theater during WWII, he perpetually went AWOL to visit my mom. He did what he wanted to do. After the war, he had some legal jobs, however he and his brothers mainly found ways of shaking money out of the stupid lemming people. At heart, my dad was a good person, he never was a thief (losers voluntarily played his gambling machines), nor ever did he become a preacher. Such are the hallmarks of an honest man.

 

I'm so old that I knew Davy Crockett. Just before heading off to Texas, he said to me, "Hey kid, wipe your nose! And for wiping your butt, don't ever use stinging nettle."

 

You will only do THAT one time for sure!!