If Someone Cheated On You.........

Discussion in 'The Hangout' started by Coputere, Jun 15, 2016.

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  1. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    Where do you stand as far as cheating is concerned? Do you think that someone should stay in a relationship and try to work it out if their partner has cheated on them? I have no tolerance for that type of debacle. What's your consensus?
     
  2. Arkane

    Arkane Master Survivalist
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    It is not cheating it is disrespecting
    No partnership can survive disrespect!
    But a master has no need of a slaves respect!
     
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  3. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    Can we look at a marriage as a servant/ master relationship? When you look at it from a different time frame, it does sure seem as though the woman's position in the household was reduced to that of a servant.
     
  4. thePENofGODx0x0xz7

    thePENofGODx0x0xz7 New Member
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    Life is surely full of lessons.
    I'd rather lose a loved one than to learn this particular lesson.
    Modern ideals do more damage than good for relationships.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2016
  5. Keith H.

    Keith H. Moderator Staff Member
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    My wife & I have been together for over 40 years. I think that for a marriage to be a good marriage, you need to work at it. You need to be attentive & aware. Most of all you need to communicate with each other, you need to tell your partner what you need, what you want. What you need & want may not be attainable, but with a little give & take it will still work.
    Cheating/being unfaithful is not an option. Your partner trusts you, your partner should be your best & closest friend. I would not tolerate a partner who was unfaithful, & I would not expect my partner to tolerate any infidelity on my part either. No, simply not acceptable or forgivable ( & the same goes for domestic violence!!!!!).
    Keith.
     
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  6. glreese

    glreese Member
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    I believe that if you decide to stay with someone that cheats on you, you have to be 110% sure they have changed and even more sure that they are intent on working together to fix that damage that was done. You also have to be sure that you can move on from the hurt and stop bringing it up. If you forgive them, forgive them. That's the only way it is possible to stay with them. It may just be easier to leave. I'm honestly not sure what I would do in that situation.
     
  7. djordjem87

    djordjem87 Member
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    I really like to base my relationship on trust and once trust is lost I would just move on without any chance of repenting. I am pretty straight forward about this. I am a rational being and it wouldn't be for my pride but for the fact that she was with another man while she was with me and that means something was missing and it will probably happen again. I do not want a part time job in a relationship. If I cannot be enough that is okay. I would be sad more than angry and I really cannot go over that. It never happened to me and I hope that my girl would tell me that something is off and she has thoughts of cheating with other people. I would try to solve the problem and if that is not possible we would just part without having those bad feelings between each other.
     
  8. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    walk away, move on and start afresh.
    been there, done that, got the T shirt.......second time around dosent work, I've tried.
     
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  9. iseeyou

    iseeyou Member
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    I don't think i would be able to forgive someone who cheated on me. It's totally the deal breaker. I won't forgive and won't forget. I know they say, you have to forgive those who wronged you not to free them of their guilt but for your own sake, however i don't believe in that, i don't think I'll be able to forgive someone who betrays me like that. So there's no second chances for me in reference to cheating, once you broke my trust, there's no fixing it.
     
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  10. tb65

    tb65 Active Member
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    I think that it would be really hard for someone to do. I don't really deal with people I can't trust in my personal life. As a Christian I don't believe in sex outside of wedlock. If two people are married and one person cheats, there committing adultery and according to what I believe you have the right to divorce them. Still it's all about trust when someone goes outside of there marriage and has sex with another person it's like betraying you
    and once they do it you have to ask yourself will they do it again.
     
  11. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    I am not sure if it is a matter of present day morality, technology or even evolutionary process but relationships are faltering at an alarming rate. Maybe sexuality is to open today and the roles of male and female are too confused to produce successful relationships. If something isn't instantly gratifying today then it is pushed aside for something that is. Maybe it is just me, but I fear for the generations after me and often wish I myself was born in a time that such principles were regarded in high esteem. I guess by now it is obvious by the tone of my reply, who was the one that got cheated on in my relationship.
     
  12. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    Exactly my point. I watched my mother go back to my father countless times after his infidelity had caused her to leave. Sometimes i wondered if she had built up a tolerance for the emotional pain. Either way it was still sad for my siblings and I to witness. because of this, it took me decades to forgive my father and form a relationship with him again.
     
  13. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    I guess that it is hard to let go of what is holding onto you, especially when deception and manipulation is at play. It can all be so confusing that you can be made to believe that you are wrong when you know that someone has wronged you. Your standpoint is the correct approach, nonetheless.
     
  14. Lisa Davis

    Lisa Davis Active Member
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    It depends. You have to talk about it. You have to set rules and boundaries. Ultimately, the question you need to ask yourself is are you happier with the person or without them? That question is always what it boils down to.
     
  15. Moroccanbeauty2266

    Moroccanbeauty2266 Active Member
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    I personally would not want to be together with someone who cheats on me. It just does not make sense because all trust will be lost and even though it would hurt my feelings a lot I am too proud of a person to accept something like that from my partner. I would pack my things and be the one leaving no matter what.
    At the same time, there has to be mutual respect! I do not want to cheat on my partner either because I love him too much and would not want to destroy what we have already accomplished together.
    Some couples might not see it the same way. They might try to give it another chance and they might be able to overcome that painful crisis but I do not think it is worth trying again if it would happen to me.
     
  16. hades_leae

    hades_leae Active Member
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    It's easier to let go, it feels better to know your not with someone who you consistently worry is hurting you behind your back. One a cheater, always a cheater, there is no excuses, if you cheat on me, then I was not important enough for you to consider worthy of your faithfulness.

    People always come up with excuses to give people second chances, I always say to myself that there is always someone better after your with someone who downgrades your relationship. Just because you know that there is someone better doesn't mean you have to go looking because if your happy, then stay with the person that makes you happy. Always know that there is always someone better. If they hurt you, walk away, so what you may be throwing away 2 or 5 years together, they didn't think about that when they cheated so why feel guilty for something that they did.

    Like I said, it's feels better to walk away. Be happy elsewhere. That's my opinion, anyone who reads that, just don't let it influence your options, make up your own mind according to what you want and don't want, don't let others write your history.
     
  17. DecMikashimota

    DecMikashimota New Member
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    Some people are just nowhere near ready for commitment despite the fact that they are always in relationships. In many cases you almost can not view it as a matter of how much you mean to that person.

    How they feel about you may not be the reason that they cheat. There most likely are cheating fir underlying reasons that sometimes they themselves don't understand. That can take several years of them going through counseling or doing some self evaluation techniques.

    They might never be ready so unless you are understanding of the amount of patience you will need to have with this type of person. I suggest that you move on with your life as far as being intimate with them is concerned. If you want to support them as a friend then that could help.
     
  18. robinsb

    robinsb New Member
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    Personally, I would never stay in a relationship with someone who has cheated on me. That tells me that he doesn't have any respect for me or our relationship. So what is the point of continuing my life with this person. Now I have friends that have taken back their significant other after them cheating, but I don't judge them for that. If you feel like you love that person enough to forgive them and move forward with the relationship then good for you. But, I wouldn't do it or even think twice about doing it.
     
  19. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Expert Member
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    People had different point of views when it comes to cheating problems in any kind of love relationship either boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife. I had witnessed cheating scenarios from the experiences of some of my friends or even from my relatives and they had their own beliefs and set of actions that they did to fix this kind of problems in their relationship. And I am just there not to judge them and instead give them the kind of respect to what they had done to solve their problems. And personally just in case if this thing will happen to me I still don't know yet what will be my own predicament.
     
  20. Arkane

    Arkane Master Survivalist
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    things are complicated in the marriage game!
    I know one couple married for many decades now!
    The wife makes sure hubby gets it every night and she blows him every morning!
    He works in an office with many stunning girls, he is never tempted to stray!
    Her motto is keep his nuts drained!
    From my experience most trouble starts when the woman uses denial of sex as a tool/weapon!
     
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  21. Finman0507

    Finman0507 New Member
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    I think it is a personal choice whether to stay or go. It is one of my biggest fears and i hope I never have to be in such a situation. I don't think I will stay if it ever happened to me, but I do know people who tried again and made it work.
     
  22. Iohndee

    Iohndee New Member
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    I believe a loving relationship should be sacred and based on love, honesty and respect. If any of this is broken, then there's bound to be big trouble.

    I would say cheating is a double edged sword in a romantic relationship. It cuts and breaks all the above in one swoop. It torments and tears one apart.

    I can't stand a cheater, we can only live in mistrust because suspicions will always linger. How could I probably share a bed with someone who I can always imagine is doing the same with somebody else behind my back?
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2016
  23. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    if one cant trust them in the good times how do we trust them in the bad times??
     
  24. Christavia

    Christavia New Member
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    My child's father cheated on me constantly and I was always being disrespected verbally by him and his women yet I stayed. I stayed for the sake of my child but it still didn't last much longer. It helped me to be stronger though. Most men cheat anyway, so the best thing is to try work it out once he does not become disrespectful or abusive.
     
  25. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    I cant talk for all men, but I have found 1 woman at a time is about all I can cope with!!:D
     
  26. Deeishere

    Deeishere Member
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    It really depends on the situation. If the guy is a low down dirty scum then yeah I would not stay. What makes a scum, is one who is cheating and has no remorse for it and plans to keep on doing it. I have seen infidelity in a relationship be restored. Sometimes it's not about the actual affair but other stuff that led up to it. Both parties can be at fault. But, it's not easy. I have seen people get back together.
     
  27. Lisa

    Lisa Active Member
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    I coudln't stay with someone who cheated on me, it would destroy any trust and respect I had for them, I believe a good relationship is one where your partner is your best friend, and best friends wouldn't do something like that.
     
  28. Karen Martin

    Karen Martin New Member
      8/23

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    I agree with you team, cheating is disrespectful and a low down dirty! Once a cheater is always a cheater in my eye, because as soon as you let them back in your life and they know they can take advantage of you they will go out a couple months later or even a year later if that long and cheat again, because they know that you will forgive them and that's when they start using you as a door mat!
     
  29. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    its a matter of trust, once the trust is gone its almost impossible to get it back.
     
  30. Aimee

    Aimee Member
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    I think that cheating is wrong but I also know that human beings make mistakes. For this reason, I feel that a person who cheats once should be given a chance if they are truly remorseful. Sometimes there are instances that the spouse may feel lonely in the relationship so they seek out companionship and ultimately cheat. They tell their partner because the guilt consumes them. To me, this shows that they are remorseful.

    Now, if the cheating continues then of course the person who is being cheated on should definitely leave. What is that saying, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."? I feel there are also instances of someone just not being able to be committed and therefor the relationship should definitely not continue because the other one is just continuously being hurt and cheated on and they should not put up with it.
     
  31. Aimee

    Aimee Member
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    Indeed but trust can be gained back. Actions definitely speak much louder than words. Of course if someone cheats in a relationship just one time, then it is easier to gain said trust back. If the one who cheated keeps doing it, then no I wouldn't ever be able to trust them again and what is the point in having a relationship without trust. Sadly I think that some people stay in a relationship regardless of how many times the other cheats due to them feeling as though they have no other option.
     
  32. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    I don't agree, once the trust is gone........its gone! I speak from experience.
    and even more so in a survival situation, if you cant trust them they could put your life at risk.
     
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2016
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  33. richj8am30

    richj8am30 Member
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    I honestly believe that it is not our fault. Maybe society is forcing a monogamous union on people when it is not meant for people to be with one person for their whole lives. A man has the ability to impregnate more than one person in a few days radius. Marriage might just be the governments way of maintaining the population by way of religion.
     
  34. filmjunkie08

    filmjunkie08 Active Member
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    At this point in my life, if i was married and someone cheated on me i would first of all want to know why. And then i would have to decide if i could get over the hurt and trust him again. If i couldn't then it would be over for good.
     
  35. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    if someone cheated, how can you trust them not to do it again? you cant. once the trust is gone its gone.
    whether you remain with them is your choice, but I don't think life would ever be the same again.
     
  36. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    That is very true. I see your point and it is a valid one. If you can not trust that person in relationship situations then you can not trust them with your life. It is a dead horse at that point.
     
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  37. Vinaya

    Vinaya Expert Member
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    I have zero tolerance against cheating. I believe once the partner cheats on you, you should never give him/her second chance. You should ask him/her what if you had cheated on, would she/her accept? I don't see any chance of patching up once the partner cheats on.
     
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  38. lonewolf

    lonewolf Legendary Survivalist Staff Member
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    I have found that relationships don't work "the second time around", once I have been betrayed I can never trust them again, people I know have said the same.
     
  39. ZoeZoundBarrier

    ZoeZoundBarrier Member
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    That's got to be the smartest woman I've never met. I can't lie I have been on the opposite end of the victim in this scenario but if I had someone that made sure my needs were met then I would probably have never cheated on her. I know that this sounds bad, but I have been in relationships where my significant other at the time, chose to with hold sex. Even if they just didn't feel like it, it was a conscious decision they made for both of us without even addressing it and there were dire consequences for both of us.
     
  40. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    I do not know many who would admit to cheating and I don't know if in your case it is an admirable thing to do or if you just have no remorse. There is no justification, that type of mentality is not meant for long term relationships. If you're getting into these relationships knowing just going without sex will cause you to cheat then you are not ready to be in a relationship, it sounds to me as if this is not your first rodeo. Are you a serial cheater?
     
  41. BeautifullyBree

    BeautifullyBree Active Member
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    I hate cheaters, but I can't say I'd leave. My boyfriend had a little texting problem when we first got together. I laid it out for him that I won't be number two. Period. Ever. Since then he has honestly done a 160 and truly surprised me at his ability to change. In case anyone is doubting the change my detective skills are on fire.
     
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  42. Coputere

    Coputere New Member
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    Sometimes I don't know that texting is really cheating. It is so unclear as to what constitutes cheating. Are you saying that you would still stick around if your boyfriend physically cheated on you?
     
  43. katlarson9

    katlarson9 New Member
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    Cheating is a non negotiable subject to me. I can not allow someone to blatantly disrespect me in this way. No trust, no Love.
     
  44. BeautifullyBree

    BeautifullyBree Active Member
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    I can see where the lines are blurry. I definitely would never stay if my boyfriend physically cheated on me. I guess that is why I take texting as the warning point. The messages were more explicit than I care to have sent to someone I'm in a relationship with. If he can't stop talking with girls on a level like that then cheating wouldn't even cause guilt. Everyone has their own opinion and I don't mean to press mine on anyone.
     
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